I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
