I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
