Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize