im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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