The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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