i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
