it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
