Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I've blown a few things in my day
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
