I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize