You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
