this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's blow job season.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
