Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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