The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
