Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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