No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
