We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
time to smoke my breakfast
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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