Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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