if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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