i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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