The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
bring money and cleavage
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize