Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
