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• (630): View more from Illinois

  i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.

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• (574): View more from Indiana

  Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  yeah...that's gonna come up in court

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year

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• (850): View more from Florida

  With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...

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