So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Damn victory sex feels great
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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