How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
