How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
