Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
