I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize