Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
