So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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