I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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