I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
