Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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