I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
