She is in my trunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
