i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
