So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
