i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
