Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
