Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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