the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize