When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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