He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
