i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
