i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
