mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
