All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
