All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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