I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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