Yo dont text me then not text me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
