Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize