went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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