we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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