Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
