just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You took a bar mat shot.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
