Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
