I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
