not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
