don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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