I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
