I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
