Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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