Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
