Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
