Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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