My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
