I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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