Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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