I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize