I cut my penus on the lid.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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