I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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