It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
