just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
