It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
