Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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