who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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