Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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