elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
