I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
