I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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