I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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