I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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