When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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