as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
