I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize