I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
